A New Conspiracy Theory

I have noticed a sinister connection between the size of one's bankroll, and the ability to avoid confronting unwelcome visitors. If you have a large home, even with a large mortgage, you have four, maybe more, exit/enter points. If you are living in a tiny apartment, you only have, as the Allman Brothers and many others have bitterly pointed out, "One Way Out." For example, I live in rent-assisted, senior living place and I only have one door. Every time I leave, I have to face a cheery someone-or-other who wants me to "chat" and then "have a nice day". When I owned a tiny mobile home, I had two doors; a front and a back door, although, one was visible from the other. When I lived in a large, single family home I had four doors; front, side sliding glass to patio and garage door; a door on every side of the building. I recently visited a home that was huge (by my standards), the owners were rich (by my standards) and they had five exits!! Front door, two patio doors, a back door and the double garage doors (I only count those as one door, although, there was also a side door to the yard that opened off the garage. There were exits on five different sides of the building! So, the richer you are, the easier it is to make a clean getaway. Coincidence? I think not.

National Befuddlement Day Winner

Bought a lamp at the Salvation Army for $2.99. Took it home, put in a bulb from an older lamp and switched it on: nothing. "Must be a burned out bulb," I think. Picked it up to unscrew the bulb and it flashed bright and then went out. "Nuts! Now I DID burn out the bulb." I threw out that bulb and put in a new one. Nothing. I flipped the switch a few times. Nothing. I picked up to take out that bulb, and it came on, but very dim for a 100 watt bulb. I sat it down. I wiggled the cord. Still dim. Hmmmmm. "Well, that sucks," I thought, picked it up and it flashed brightly and went out again. Great. Now I blew another bulb. I unplugged it and tightened all the connections, put in a new bulb and plugged it in: nothing. Swearing, I unplugged it, wrapped up the cord and sat it by the door to return it. Later, staring at it from across the room, I thought, "Nuts. Now I either have to return it or buy new guts for it. It must have a bad wire someplace. Unless..............." you guessed it. It has an on/off switch, but it's a "touch control" lamp. I spent a little while rinsing barbeque sauce off the two lightbulbs I retrieved, and started to enjoy my new lamp. Life is hard; harder for some than for others.